1mran
30th April 2007, 07:29 PM
Polygamy is a difficult topic to talk about. mostly because it gets attacked by both non muslims and muslims.
ofcourse no woman in the right mind would allow her husband to marry another wife, but this is something from Allah, and regardless of what we may think or believe, there is wisdom behind it..
this comes back to the concept of small evil, for a greater good.
for eg, widows, divorced women with children, etc have it very difficult and islam protects them and takes care of them by allowing men who can take care of them, to marry.
oh and by the way, since this is from Allah, the other wives have no right in say to it. because like i said, no woman would say yes, and hence this is a small evil to her, but the greater benefit to the community is always worth it.
some scholars say she needs to be asked, or some sisters have clauses in the nikkah contracts that dissolves the contract if he takes up another wife, this is not from the Shariah and they are treading down the lines of the jews and christians.
This is not an issue for us to debate or talk about. because its a matter decreed by Allah. for us to challange the laws of the Qur'an would be very dangerous. remember, Ibless challenged Allah's Orders and look where he ended up!
Personally, i believe instead of wasting time on issues that are of Fiqh, we should focus on more on issues that relate to things like: how a man should treat his wife and vice versa. because the problem we have is for high rates of divorce, muslim sisters in school getting abortions, brothers taking girfriends and commiting zina, etc. these are things that are more relevant to us...
Some sisters may say that men will never complain about ploygamy because its something they would like.. although to some extent, having a wife is a blessing, because the prophet peace be upon him said "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." (Sahih Muslim,Book 008, Number 3465). so if you look at it that way, yes! it would be an amazing thing. BUT, you should understand that financial and emotional burden, plus if a man does not treat each wife appropriately, he has alot of answering to do on the day of judgement.
Its just like the Just Khalifahs (the rightly guided ones), none every wanted to be caliphs, even tho the idea of having so much power can be appealing to some, they knew the responsibilty was alot and on the day of judgemnt, they would have to answer to all complaints made by his people.
we should not be narrow minded and look at polygamy as a issue of satisfying mans desires..... it more about the issue of helping those in need.
put yourselves in that position. for eg, imagine you marry a brave muslim, who dies in Jihaad, and you have 3 children and cant find time to work. what are you going to do? your children are crying for food, your loosing your house, etc its a terrible experience and Allah loves his servants and doesnt wish for them to go through harship.
yes the first wife may not like it or even may get jealous. but in the end, if she is true to ther deen, Allah will make it easy for them.
and Allah knows best
the reasons of widows, divorced women, etc is just ONE reason.
its in no way a restriction.
If a man CAN support more thn one wife, and decides to take another, regardless if she's never married, or a widow, there is no restriction.
the point is that polygamy is a cure to the many illness in this ummah.
as for men not treating "older" wives properly, like i said, they will be held accountable for this!! Allah commands them to only take more if they will be Just.
"... then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
as for the co-wives being best friends, this is irrelevant. if the wives had any taqwa, they will fear Allah and not cross the boundaries.
but jealousy is normal. Aysha was very jealous of Zainab (may Allah be pleased with her), here is an example of this:-
In Sahih Muslim, Book 009, Number 3496:
'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrated that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) used to spend time with Zainab daughter of Jahsh and drank honey at her house. She ('A'isha further) said: I and Hafsa agreed that one whom Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) would visit first should say: I notice that you have an odour of the Maghafir (gum of mimosa). He (the Holy Prophet) visited one of them and she said to him like this, whereupon he said: I have taken honey in the house of Zainab bint Jabsh and I will never do it again. It was at this (that the following verse was revealed): 'Why do you hold to be forbidden what Allah has made lawful for you... (up to). If you both ('A'isha and Hafsa) turn to Allah" up to:" And when the Holy Prophet confided an information to one of his wives" (lxvi. 3). This refers to his saying: But I have taken honey.
but does that mean she hated her? NEVER!!!
if you look at the LONG hadith about how the hypocrites [something even the SHIA STILL DO TODAY!!] slander Aisha,
she says in the hadith:-
"'...A'isha said that Allah's Messenger (way peace be upon him) asked Zainab, daughter of Jahsh, the wife of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), about me what she knew or what she had seen in me, and she said: Allah's Messenger, I shall not say anything without hearing (with my ears) and seeing with my eyes. By Allah, I find nothing in her but goodness. (And she stated this in spite of the fact) that she was the only lady who amongst the wives of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) used to vie with me but Allah saved her in bringing false allegation against me because of her God-consciousness." [Sahih Muslim, Book 037, Number 6673]
"...Allah's Apostle also asked Zainab bint Jahsh (i.e. the Prophet's wife about me saying, 'What do you know and what did you see?' She replied, 'O Allah's Apostle! I refrain to claim hearing or seeing what I have not heard or seen. By Allah, I know nothing except goodness about Aisha." Aisha further added "Zainab was competing with me (in her beauty and the Prophet's love), yet Allah protected her (from being malicious), for she had piety." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 48, Number 829]
----------------------------------------------
As for what some people do, that is something they will be asked about and in no way reflects the wisdom behind polygamy.
i mean, one can say that some sisters wear hijab and also commit zina, or smoke openly, etc. but does that mean the hijab is bad? no it means the muslimah is in error.
likewise, if some1 doesnt drive a car correctly and crashes it constantly, does that make the care bad or the driver....
I hope you see what im getting at...insha'Allah.
i know it seems wierd to us, because of how we were brought up. but we should understand that Allah is All knowning and He alone knows whats best for us.
and you do see sincere muslims treating wives in the correct manner. just because we may not see them around, doesnt mean they dont exist...remember, the lack of knowledge of something is not knowledge of it.
and Allah Knows best
==========================================
====================================
Islam's Position on Polygamy
Written by Dr. Bilal Philips [my additions in blue]
Muslims are often accused of being promiscuous because polygamy is legal in Islam.
1. Islam did not introduce polygamy. Unrestricted polygamy was practiced in most human societies throughout the world in every age. Islam regulated polygamy by limiting the number of wives and establishing responsibility in its practice.
In NO OTHER RELIGION does it say marry one wife. Allah says in the Qur’an: -
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan*girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
So Allah is saying to Marry only ONE, but if you can do justice and help other women, who may have lost husbands to war (for example) then marry up to 4!
As you friends what is the limit in your religion and NO WHERE in their books does it give a limit!
2. Monogamy of the West inherited from Greece and Rome where men were restricted by law to one wife but were free to have as many mistresses among the majority slave population as they wished. In the West today, most married men have extramarital relations with mistresses, girlfriends and prostitutes. Consequently the Western claim to monogamy is false.
There was a man called Jimmy Swaggart, who debated with Sheikh Ahmed Deedat. Jimmy Sweggart is what you call a TV evangelist. So he is like a priest that comes on TV and preaches, just like you see on TV on Sundays. Now Jimmy Sweggart told Sheikh Deedat that in My religion, I am only allowed one wife, so I chose the BEST. People like that and laughed. But some weeks later, it was discovered that jimmy sweggart, had actually been visiting a prostitute atleast two times a week, every week. It came on TV!! http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/s...000/2565197.stm
And This happened with many many other Priests.
Also, we know how catholic priests were caught molesting young boys!! http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/02/16/church.abuse/
And even SAI BABA!! Was caught molesting young boys!!! http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,,1939403,00.html
http://saibabaexposed.blogspot.com/2006/08...-sex-files.html
Yet these people attack the Islamic marriage system?
3. Monogamy illogical. If a man wishes to have a second wife whom he takes care of and whose children carry his name and he provides for he is considered a criminal, bigamist, who may be sentenced to years in jail. However, if he has numerous mistresses and illegitimate children his relation is considered legal.
4. Men created polygamous because of a need in human society. There is normally a surplus of women in most human societies.[ Russia: 46.1% male to 53.9% female; UK: 48.6% male to 51.5% female; USA: 48.8% male to 51.2% female; Brazil: 49.7% male to 50.27% female (The New Encyclopaedia Britannica, vol. 17, pp. 34, 270, 244). Exceptions in China and India due to wide-spread infanticide on a national scale.] The surplus is a result of men dying in wars, violent crimes and women outliving men.[ According to the Center for Health Statistics, American women today can expect to live to be 77.9 years old, while men can only expect to live to 70.3] The upsurge in homosexuality further increases the problem. If systems do not cater to the need of surplus women it will result in corruption in society. Example, Germany after World War II, when suggestions to legalize polygamy were rejected by the Church. Resulting in the legalization of prostitution. German prostitutes are considered as workers like any other profession. They receive health benefits and pay taxes like any other citizen. Furthermore, the rate of marriage has been steadily declining as each succeeding generation finds the institution of marriage more and more irrelevant.
5. Western anthropologists argue that polygamy is a genetic trait by which the strongest genes of the generation are passed on. Example, the lion king, the strongest of the pack, monopolizes the females thereby insuring that the next generation of lion cubs will be his offspring.
6. Institutional polygamy prevents the spread of diseases like Herpes and AIDS. Such venereal diseases spread in promiscuous societies where extra-marital affairs abound.
7. Polygamy protects the interests of women and children in society. Men, in Western society make the laws. They prefer to keep polygamy illegal because it absolves them of responsibility. Legalized polygamy would require them to spend on their additional wives and their offspring. Monogamy allows them to enjoy extra-marital affairs without economic consequence.
8. Only a minority will practice polygamy in Muslim society. In spite of polygamy being legal in Muslim countries, only 10-15% of Muslims in these countries practice polygamy. Although the majority of men would like to have more than one wife, they cannot afford the expense of maintaining more than one family. Even those who are financially capable of looking after additional families are often reluctant due to the psychological burdens of handling more than one wife. The family problems and marital disputes are multiplied in plural marriages.
9. Conditions have been added for polygamy in many Muslim countries. For example, in Egypt, the permission of the first wife must first be obtained. This and similar conditions are a result of colonial domination. No woman in her right mind will give her husband permission to take a second wife. Such a condition, in fact, negates the permission given by God in the Qur'an.
10. Others have accepted polygamy on condition that it not be for “lust”. That is, if the wife is ill, or unable to bear children, or unable to fulfill the husband's sexual needs, etc., taking a second wife is acceptable. Otherwise it becomes “lust” on the husband's part and is consequently not acceptable. The reality is that “lust” was involved in the marriage of the first wife. Why is it acceptable in the case of the first and not the second? As has already been pointed out, men are polygamous by nature. To try to curb it by such conditions will only lead to corruption in society.
11. Feminists may object to this male right by insisting that women should also be able to practice polygamy. However, a woman marrying four husbands would only increase the problem of surplus women. Furthermore, no child would accept his or her mother identifying the father by the “eeny meeny miney mo” method. The question which remains is, “If God is good and wishes good for His creatures, why did he legislate something which would be harmful to most women?” Divine legislation looks at the society as a whole seeking to maximize benefit. If a certain legislation benefits the majority of the society and causes some emotional harm to a minority, the general welfare of society is given precedence.
================================================== ==
For Further Reading, please refer to
Polygamy in Islam
Written by Dr. Bilal Philips
http://www.bilalphilips.com/index.php?opti...id=35&Itemid=55
ofcourse no woman in the right mind would allow her husband to marry another wife, but this is something from Allah, and regardless of what we may think or believe, there is wisdom behind it..
this comes back to the concept of small evil, for a greater good.
for eg, widows, divorced women with children, etc have it very difficult and islam protects them and takes care of them by allowing men who can take care of them, to marry.
oh and by the way, since this is from Allah, the other wives have no right in say to it. because like i said, no woman would say yes, and hence this is a small evil to her, but the greater benefit to the community is always worth it.
some scholars say she needs to be asked, or some sisters have clauses in the nikkah contracts that dissolves the contract if he takes up another wife, this is not from the Shariah and they are treading down the lines of the jews and christians.
This is not an issue for us to debate or talk about. because its a matter decreed by Allah. for us to challange the laws of the Qur'an would be very dangerous. remember, Ibless challenged Allah's Orders and look where he ended up!
Personally, i believe instead of wasting time on issues that are of Fiqh, we should focus on more on issues that relate to things like: how a man should treat his wife and vice versa. because the problem we have is for high rates of divorce, muslim sisters in school getting abortions, brothers taking girfriends and commiting zina, etc. these are things that are more relevant to us...
Some sisters may say that men will never complain about ploygamy because its something they would like.. although to some extent, having a wife is a blessing, because the prophet peace be upon him said "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." (Sahih Muslim,Book 008, Number 3465). so if you look at it that way, yes! it would be an amazing thing. BUT, you should understand that financial and emotional burden, plus if a man does not treat each wife appropriately, he has alot of answering to do on the day of judgement.
Its just like the Just Khalifahs (the rightly guided ones), none every wanted to be caliphs, even tho the idea of having so much power can be appealing to some, they knew the responsibilty was alot and on the day of judgemnt, they would have to answer to all complaints made by his people.
we should not be narrow minded and look at polygamy as a issue of satisfying mans desires..... it more about the issue of helping those in need.
put yourselves in that position. for eg, imagine you marry a brave muslim, who dies in Jihaad, and you have 3 children and cant find time to work. what are you going to do? your children are crying for food, your loosing your house, etc its a terrible experience and Allah loves his servants and doesnt wish for them to go through harship.
yes the first wife may not like it or even may get jealous. but in the end, if she is true to ther deen, Allah will make it easy for them.
and Allah knows best
the reasons of widows, divorced women, etc is just ONE reason.
its in no way a restriction.
If a man CAN support more thn one wife, and decides to take another, regardless if she's never married, or a widow, there is no restriction.
the point is that polygamy is a cure to the many illness in this ummah.
as for men not treating "older" wives properly, like i said, they will be held accountable for this!! Allah commands them to only take more if they will be Just.
"... then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
as for the co-wives being best friends, this is irrelevant. if the wives had any taqwa, they will fear Allah and not cross the boundaries.
but jealousy is normal. Aysha was very jealous of Zainab (may Allah be pleased with her), here is an example of this:-
In Sahih Muslim, Book 009, Number 3496:
'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrated that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) used to spend time with Zainab daughter of Jahsh and drank honey at her house. She ('A'isha further) said: I and Hafsa agreed that one whom Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) would visit first should say: I notice that you have an odour of the Maghafir (gum of mimosa). He (the Holy Prophet) visited one of them and she said to him like this, whereupon he said: I have taken honey in the house of Zainab bint Jabsh and I will never do it again. It was at this (that the following verse was revealed): 'Why do you hold to be forbidden what Allah has made lawful for you... (up to). If you both ('A'isha and Hafsa) turn to Allah" up to:" And when the Holy Prophet confided an information to one of his wives" (lxvi. 3). This refers to his saying: But I have taken honey.
but does that mean she hated her? NEVER!!!
if you look at the LONG hadith about how the hypocrites [something even the SHIA STILL DO TODAY!!] slander Aisha,
she says in the hadith:-
"'...A'isha said that Allah's Messenger (way peace be upon him) asked Zainab, daughter of Jahsh, the wife of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), about me what she knew or what she had seen in me, and she said: Allah's Messenger, I shall not say anything without hearing (with my ears) and seeing with my eyes. By Allah, I find nothing in her but goodness. (And she stated this in spite of the fact) that she was the only lady who amongst the wives of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) used to vie with me but Allah saved her in bringing false allegation against me because of her God-consciousness." [Sahih Muslim, Book 037, Number 6673]
"...Allah's Apostle also asked Zainab bint Jahsh (i.e. the Prophet's wife about me saying, 'What do you know and what did you see?' She replied, 'O Allah's Apostle! I refrain to claim hearing or seeing what I have not heard or seen. By Allah, I know nothing except goodness about Aisha." Aisha further added "Zainab was competing with me (in her beauty and the Prophet's love), yet Allah protected her (from being malicious), for she had piety." [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 48, Number 829]
----------------------------------------------
As for what some people do, that is something they will be asked about and in no way reflects the wisdom behind polygamy.
i mean, one can say that some sisters wear hijab and also commit zina, or smoke openly, etc. but does that mean the hijab is bad? no it means the muslimah is in error.
likewise, if some1 doesnt drive a car correctly and crashes it constantly, does that make the care bad or the driver....
I hope you see what im getting at...insha'Allah.
i know it seems wierd to us, because of how we were brought up. but we should understand that Allah is All knowning and He alone knows whats best for us.
and you do see sincere muslims treating wives in the correct manner. just because we may not see them around, doesnt mean they dont exist...remember, the lack of knowledge of something is not knowledge of it.
and Allah Knows best
==========================================
====================================
Islam's Position on Polygamy
Written by Dr. Bilal Philips [my additions in blue]
Muslims are often accused of being promiscuous because polygamy is legal in Islam.
1. Islam did not introduce polygamy. Unrestricted polygamy was practiced in most human societies throughout the world in every age. Islam regulated polygamy by limiting the number of wives and establishing responsibility in its practice.
In NO OTHER RELIGION does it say marry one wife. Allah says in the Qur’an: -
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan*girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)
So Allah is saying to Marry only ONE, but if you can do justice and help other women, who may have lost husbands to war (for example) then marry up to 4!
As you friends what is the limit in your religion and NO WHERE in their books does it give a limit!
2. Monogamy of the West inherited from Greece and Rome where men were restricted by law to one wife but were free to have as many mistresses among the majority slave population as they wished. In the West today, most married men have extramarital relations with mistresses, girlfriends and prostitutes. Consequently the Western claim to monogamy is false.
There was a man called Jimmy Swaggart, who debated with Sheikh Ahmed Deedat. Jimmy Sweggart is what you call a TV evangelist. So he is like a priest that comes on TV and preaches, just like you see on TV on Sundays. Now Jimmy Sweggart told Sheikh Deedat that in My religion, I am only allowed one wife, so I chose the BEST. People like that and laughed. But some weeks later, it was discovered that jimmy sweggart, had actually been visiting a prostitute atleast two times a week, every week. It came on TV!! http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/s...000/2565197.stm
And This happened with many many other Priests.
Also, we know how catholic priests were caught molesting young boys!! http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/02/16/church.abuse/
And even SAI BABA!! Was caught molesting young boys!!! http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,,1939403,00.html
http://saibabaexposed.blogspot.com/2006/08...-sex-files.html
Yet these people attack the Islamic marriage system?
3. Monogamy illogical. If a man wishes to have a second wife whom he takes care of and whose children carry his name and he provides for he is considered a criminal, bigamist, who may be sentenced to years in jail. However, if he has numerous mistresses and illegitimate children his relation is considered legal.
4. Men created polygamous because of a need in human society. There is normally a surplus of women in most human societies.[ Russia: 46.1% male to 53.9% female; UK: 48.6% male to 51.5% female; USA: 48.8% male to 51.2% female; Brazil: 49.7% male to 50.27% female (The New Encyclopaedia Britannica, vol. 17, pp. 34, 270, 244). Exceptions in China and India due to wide-spread infanticide on a national scale.] The surplus is a result of men dying in wars, violent crimes and women outliving men.[ According to the Center for Health Statistics, American women today can expect to live to be 77.9 years old, while men can only expect to live to 70.3] The upsurge in homosexuality further increases the problem. If systems do not cater to the need of surplus women it will result in corruption in society. Example, Germany after World War II, when suggestions to legalize polygamy were rejected by the Church. Resulting in the legalization of prostitution. German prostitutes are considered as workers like any other profession. They receive health benefits and pay taxes like any other citizen. Furthermore, the rate of marriage has been steadily declining as each succeeding generation finds the institution of marriage more and more irrelevant.
5. Western anthropologists argue that polygamy is a genetic trait by which the strongest genes of the generation are passed on. Example, the lion king, the strongest of the pack, monopolizes the females thereby insuring that the next generation of lion cubs will be his offspring.
6. Institutional polygamy prevents the spread of diseases like Herpes and AIDS. Such venereal diseases spread in promiscuous societies where extra-marital affairs abound.
7. Polygamy protects the interests of women and children in society. Men, in Western society make the laws. They prefer to keep polygamy illegal because it absolves them of responsibility. Legalized polygamy would require them to spend on their additional wives and their offspring. Monogamy allows them to enjoy extra-marital affairs without economic consequence.
8. Only a minority will practice polygamy in Muslim society. In spite of polygamy being legal in Muslim countries, only 10-15% of Muslims in these countries practice polygamy. Although the majority of men would like to have more than one wife, they cannot afford the expense of maintaining more than one family. Even those who are financially capable of looking after additional families are often reluctant due to the psychological burdens of handling more than one wife. The family problems and marital disputes are multiplied in plural marriages.
9. Conditions have been added for polygamy in many Muslim countries. For example, in Egypt, the permission of the first wife must first be obtained. This and similar conditions are a result of colonial domination. No woman in her right mind will give her husband permission to take a second wife. Such a condition, in fact, negates the permission given by God in the Qur'an.
10. Others have accepted polygamy on condition that it not be for “lust”. That is, if the wife is ill, or unable to bear children, or unable to fulfill the husband's sexual needs, etc., taking a second wife is acceptable. Otherwise it becomes “lust” on the husband's part and is consequently not acceptable. The reality is that “lust” was involved in the marriage of the first wife. Why is it acceptable in the case of the first and not the second? As has already been pointed out, men are polygamous by nature. To try to curb it by such conditions will only lead to corruption in society.
11. Feminists may object to this male right by insisting that women should also be able to practice polygamy. However, a woman marrying four husbands would only increase the problem of surplus women. Furthermore, no child would accept his or her mother identifying the father by the “eeny meeny miney mo” method. The question which remains is, “If God is good and wishes good for His creatures, why did he legislate something which would be harmful to most women?” Divine legislation looks at the society as a whole seeking to maximize benefit. If a certain legislation benefits the majority of the society and causes some emotional harm to a minority, the general welfare of society is given precedence.
================================================== ==
For Further Reading, please refer to
Polygamy in Islam
Written by Dr. Bilal Philips
http://www.bilalphilips.com/index.php?opti...id=35&Itemid=55