Comments: Polygyny - Sharing the thoughts

[slave-of-THE_ONE]

http://www.islamicawakening.com/viewarticle.php?articleID=852 (/viewarticle.php?articleID=852) </p>

assalamu 'aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu</p>

wa jazakallahu khairan for your thoughts and hope that the sisters in this forum will benefit from it as well as the brothers.</p>

indeed it is a desire of*******most men to have more then one wife as it is a desire of most women to have more then one child</p>

for both ALLAH ta'ala has given solutions by making HIS Prophet (saw) to say in the*******nearest of meaning &quot;increase my ummah as i wish to be the one with*******the largest following in the last day&quot; and &quot; to things have been made to be beloved to me in this duniyahof yours, 'atar (perfumes) and women (wifes)&quot;</p>

wassalamu 'aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu</p>

[Anonymous]

If my sister, you were married to a man , who happens to be the &quot;Father&quot; of your children, am not sure you would write this article. Our Prophet (SAW) &quot;himself&quot; did not marry another wife during the life time of the mother of his children, Khadija (AS). And even after the mother of his son Ebrahim. </p>

It requires a very high degree of taqwa for a husband to be &quot;just&quot; to more than one wife.</p>

Why did you omit the words about the orphans? </p>

dont forget my sister, when a man has the right to marry &quot; upto&quot; four wives,******* a wife has a right to be divorced and marry another man,as many times as she wants . But a wife most of the times will not. for the sake of her husband and children. otherwise if we insist that the husband take other wives just because he has a right we will be all going in a merry go round of marriages. and the future generation will suffer.</p>

If the woman can forego her right in the merrygo round for the love of her husband and children, let the men also be considerate.It is not a sin to stay with one wife. jazakillah.</p>

[Anonymous]

asalamu aleikum my dear sister, l loved your article ...it verbalized all that i feel.May Allah increase us in Knowledge and taqua and make us of the salihoon.</p>

[Anonymous]

Asalaamu Alaikum, My Dear Sister: </p>



Being a revert to Islam, one of the first areas of study for me was the roles of husbands and wives. I was very concerned because of the multiple wives aspect. I wanted to read for myself what the Quran stated about this topic. As I have studied and studied, no where in the Quran did it say that the woman was to blame for her husband’s unhappiness if she did not approve of him marrying more than one wife. What I learned from the Quran was that Allah (SWT) gave equal rights to both husband and wife. </p>



Yes, we are definitely created differently for obvious purposes. However, Allah (SWT) did not make the wife the slave to the husband; nor did he made the husband such an unjust leader of the family. I do agree that Allah (SWT) has given us choices (a wife must give her husband permission to marry another woman). This is a personal choice for each woman. I don’t believe it is a burden that should be shouldered by my dear Sisters. </p>



I’m sure there are others who agree with your and my interpretations of the Quran regarding this matter. As a Muslima, I would rather never marry if I have to share my husband. It is my personal choice not to want to live what I consider a miserable life. This also doesn’t mean I will live an unholy life if I don’t marry. I would rather live in celibacy, than to share a husband. </p>



If I have said anything to offend anyone, please forgive me as I do not intend to do so. Pray du’a for me to become a stronger Muslima and to gain more knowledge according to Allah (SWT). </p>



Sr. Clarissa </p>

[Anonymous]

Assalamualaikum.....sister jazakallah hu khairan for this beautiful article....</p>

indeed the western society has blinded us with notions of true love, being only for the 'one woman'....a handsome prince rescuing his princess and them TWO living happily ever after....even if he set eyes upon another women more beautiful then his wife...he wouldn't feel any desire??</p>

my dear sisters in response to your quotes above &quot; a woman has a right to be divorced and remarried as many times as she wants...&quot; subhanallah, yes she has a right to ask divorce...but only in extreme circumstances when living together isn't possible anymore....bear in mind that of all the halal things the most detestable in the sight of Allah (SWT) is 'Talaq'.******* There is also a hadith regarding the woman who asks her husband for divorce unnecessrily, however i cannot remember the punishment upon her for doing so.</p>

My dear sister Islam does not put us in burden by telling us to 'share' our husbands....rather he is alleviating us mentally, and inshallah relieving our other sisters from distress. It may be that you want to be the first wife of a pious brother sister clarissa....but should he want to marry a widow/orphan/divorcee with children, for the pleasure of Allah ...would you stop him? I agree that there a few men out there who would want to undertake such a task (most dream of a young virgin female)....but inshallah as******* a pious*******woman who cares for the welfare of other destitute sisters...you can be the means of moulding his mind....and consequently allowing allahs pleasure to be with both of you...inshallah</p>

like the sister who wrote this article ..i too am not married...but have been a daughter of a man, who had many sexually illicit realtions...and the supreme wisdom behind Allahs command is therefore understandable to me...may allah forgive me for all the wromg i have said...ameen</p>

[Anonymous]

Asalam aleikum dear brothers and sisters

I love this artical..subhana Allah it is the best i have read this year..Am writting this from man's view..am now married for 4yrs now,i know the problem of marrying one wife,..we are all weak and sheitan always takes advantage of us..the truth men just cant stay with one wife.Allah swt gave us the right to marry more than two because of His wisdom,He know we are weak and we just dont have the patiency to hold our selfs from haram.
My dear sisters fear Allah swt for He is always Just.He will always give u justiseAllah loves both pious men And womn equal....so why should He be unjust to you not the men...it just doesnt make sense..would u love your husband cheat or seek haram.May Allah give u knowledge that will help us from jahanam.
By the way am looking for a second wife.

[Anonymous]

Assalamu alaikom!</p>

And again we see, people who pick for themselves from Allahs swt. deen what is fitting for them and reject what goes against their desires, they must ask themselves who are you worshipping&gt;? Is it Allah swt. the lord of the worlds or is it your lusts and desires, ask yourselves! </p>

And i like this argument subhanallah, when some sister says like...</p>

I know the man have the right to take more the one wife but i hate it!! Do you think this is better then rejecting the whole aya?? Allah knows best! </p>

and i think you know*******the hadith that nobody will be a*******real believer until his desires are in accordance with that what rasulallah saws. has brought!</p>

wassalamu alaikom</p>



PS we are not speaking of some*******opinions, we are speaking of allahs laws.</p>

And i hope everbody knows that*******Allah swt. is neither a man nor a woman,*******astagfirullah, because it seems like some*******people want to argue*******with*******Allah swt.******* Think what you are saying? You are saying Allah allows something which is unjust and not bearable for a woman????</p>

Fear Allah !!!</p>

*******</p>

[Anonymous]

This story is very interesting. Author is pious.

[Mahnaz Bahaji]

Asalamoalykom

excues me, who said it's a right of a man to marry a second wife. Allah just allows men to marry 3-4 wives, in a condision to be justice in all aspect. Allah has created 'man' to look after The Earth within that women and children. If some women become unfortunate in their destiny (such as divorse ior death of the husband) and the other man are suppose to look after them, in this case the practicing of polygyny take place. For example imagine Earth as a island and is created by Allah (obviously) and he has created one hundred women and only 60 men, work out how your going to share and satisfy all of Gods creation, if this the case, so men are oblidge to do their duty and women if they love Allah they should put their selfishness out of the way. Which Allah promised action for the face of Allah has double reward. The life of akhraah and this life is short.

But at the same time it is and unwise of a man to marry a second women because it is almost impossible to be just between the women, even if you so much desire to be. surah alnsa (verse 128). Men should think second and third marriages are not for fun and they are hard work.

[Umm Ahmed]

as salaam alaykum

Some of the replies are funny and some are shockingly ignorant .

No where in the quran and sunnah does it say the husband needs his wifes permission to take an other wife . BUT he should tell her and then try to allay all the fears she will have , its common courtesy to do this .

My husband hasn't taken an other wife , but my friends that are in an polygymus marriage say its very hard in the beginning but that their marriage in general has improved as the first wife then trys her best to be a better wife than the other.
The headache is on the husbands side and many regret taking an other wife as they go from house to house and work and going for shopping and duties to his parents and thats why its not easy and every man should evaluate himself with this regard .

[gag order]

"It requires a very high degree of taqwa for a husband to be "just" to more than one wife."

it also requires a very high dgree of taqwa to accept allah's descion to allow a man more than one wife!

[Unregistered]

Right on...

[Unregistered]

Assalam 'Alaykum,

Jizak Allah Khair, I think that sisters should really sit down and contemplate the situation and blessings of the husband being able to take more that one wife. In comparison to the western culture that makes it mandatory to only have one, multiple marrages does have it benifits more actually for the woman than the man. Lets look at some of them.

1.) Dangers of Divorce is Decreased: If you look at the statistics of divorces in the West you'll find that most of them are due to the husband desireing another woman.

Like it or not men and women are different. The women births children and over time looses her figure and even ability to have children. Also far more men are able to remarry easier at later ages than women. So the women when she gets married to a man has actually invested her life for him. Also the physical creation of Humans of men and women shows that men should marry more, the women looses her ability to have children after some years but the man can procreate all his life.

A good example is Abraham, his wife wasn't able to have children so she recommended her husban to marry a slave and have a child with her. If this was in the cristian society (before the medical breakthroughs), he would have had to divorce his wife and marry another. Is that right I ask.

Lets give an example that often happen unjustly in the Wesern society. A man and women marry right, then after ten or fifteen years and after numerous children the husband looses his physical desire for his wife. She the poor thing has now aged and lost her physic due to child birth and because it is not socially accepted, her husband has to divorce this poor old women and leave her alone because he wants to marry another.

Or even worse instead of just marrying one girl, he'll stay married but mess around on his wife with NUMEROUS differnt girls, indangering his and his wifes health. I know that any women that reads this article will admit that knowing who her husband is intamit with is better than not knowing, and that one or two women is better than a life of different girls.

Another side to look at it is the sheare number ratio of man to woman, it would be selfish to not let you husband marry more than one wife. Lets look for example at war torn countries that Bosnia or Chechnia where the men are in low numbers and die at a much earlier age than women. The prophet SAW only married one women who never was married (Um al-Mumineen Ai'eesha RA) the rest where divorcee's or widows. So is it fair to make the market of men smaller due to not wanting your husband to marry another. I mean young girls that never married have a tough time finding a husband so what about women that were divorced? Also even less today is the number of religious men aswell. Some poor girls are forced to make due with men that arn't religous just due to the fact that they haven't any choice.

We see this growing trend nowadays in the middle east and the west where marrying more than one women is considred offensive. They think just because the women is working that the husband shouldn't remarry and that it is due to finacial abilities. This isn't the case and you can see the proof even in inheiritance, the women and inhierant even when married, so what if she becomes rich? Does that mean that her husband can't remarry? Some have even said that its better for the women not to marry, but there isn't any proof saying thats it is haram so do as you wish.

Finally I say to our sisters when ever you hear of this subject just think of the women in warn torn countries like Palistine or Chechnia or Afganistan etc. And just think of the women there and how they are in need of not just a spouse but a backbone to thier family. If you husband wants to remarry suggest then Widows, I believe that the second wife should be a widow who has children because they are in more need of a male figure in their life than women who haven't married. Also if you live in a stable country think of how you can ease those womens plight by letting them marry your husband, this isn't just a right for your husband but can be considered a charity on your part. Love in the western society is physical lust, but us as muslims love is responsibility and generousity. Marrage is making a livelong commitment to be there for each other and this commitment is the same as for your brother or sister, you don't have less of it for one if you make it for another.

So in comparison our society and marital system is beautiful and a implore sisters to start calling in promoting this for their husbands. Espacially again for our widowed sisters in Palistine and Chechnia, help those sisters leave this oppression. I hope my words helped, Assalamu 'Alakum WR WB.

[Abu Faaris As-Sumalee]

1)
.bear in mind that of all the halal things the most detestable in the sight of Allah (SWT) is Talaq


"The most hated of all permissable things with Allah is divorce"



This hadith has been narrated by Abu Dawood and ibn Maajah and authenticated by al-Haakim. Abu Dawood narrates from Muhammed ibn Khaalid from Mu'arrif ibn Waasil from Muharib ibn Daththaar from ibn Umar. Al-Baihaqi said, "I do not know anyone who narrates from Mu'arrif except ibn Khaalid and he is one of those who makes up his hadith."

As for ibn Maajah, he narrates from Muhammed ibn Khaalid, from Ubaidullah al-Waasafi and Mu'arrif ibn Waasil from Muharib. Ibn 'Adi says that Ubaidullah al-Waasafi is, "Extremely weak," while adh-Dhahabi says that, according to Abdullah ibn Ahmad, he is a liar.

Ibn Hajar says that Abu Hatim said the hadith is mursal. From my observation this weak hadith has caused many problems for people , especialy from the indian sub continent


2) If you look into the books of fiqh you will see that a husband only has to be equal with his wifes when it comes to time and money spent on them, he does not however have to be equal with love and marital relations.

jelousy is natural, especialy when it comes to women but the problem comes when sisters take extreme actions that can put much presure on a man to comit zina especialy in times when he cant have relations with his wife.

the truth of the matter is that most of these problems occure when the husband doesnt explain to his wife the hikma of having another wife , and when you have a situation where there is a wife with very ,very bad tarbia

[Unregistered]

Salam,

I think that Umm Ahmeds response was correct and very interesting, too many brothers and sisters are not sincerely having the correct islamic outlook on this issue. I have discussed this issue with brothers and female family members, and have been surprised that many thought permission was needed from the first wife! Others said that it is only permissable if there is something wrong with first wife (ie cant have children etc)! I think that brothers need to really think about the reality of looking after 2 wives, if they are strong in their deen and are capable, and want another wife then thats upto them, but it may be that by the time their wives have become accustomed to the situation they will be finding out just how hard it is to do.

abdelrahman45

[KashifN]

assalaamu alaikum

Interesting related post here:
http://austrolabe.com/2006/11/01/professor-gary-becker-on-polygamy/

[zaynab_sil]

salm alykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu,
just joined this siteand not really sure hoe this all works. Ayway saw the replies about plogamy and found them some what interesting. Funny how alot of us discuss this issue like our opinion will change what Allah ta A'laa has made halal. Its halal and never does Allah make something halah which in the process is going to break a woman.
Ploygamay has soo amny benefits.
It our arrogance that we feel we are enough for our weak brothers !lol did i say weak?! lol only kidding. Some men just need more than one woman, it's a fact and Allah knows His creation. Women who I know who have co wives seem in my opinion to have a level of taqwaa other sisters do not have. They I feel are more aware that their men are not theirs but in reality a loan from Allah. We have to remember this.
Sisters our husbands are mere men, if your man wants another and he is good to you, assist him for the sake of Allah as you would hate for him to fall into zina and have to have his head bashed in to expiate what you could of help him avoid. lolol!
subhanallah let's help eachother and not get angry with the brotheres and their weaknesses.lol

salam alykum wa rahmatullah
Zaynab*