matrimonials at islamicawakening

[siratal mustaqeem]

Assalaamu Alaikum,

Does Islamic Awakening have a matrimonial section?

...maybe for those in US also...

I hate to say this but for those brothers that are living in US, its probably better to marry a revert/convert sister then one from the same ethnic background or from a Muslim background for that matter. I mean good luck marrying a desi or arab sister whose family requires u to be an engineer or doctor and God forbid for u to live in an apartment!

Subhanallah, American reverts families are less of an issue when it comes to such superficialities.

Can we initiate some kind of halal matrimonials?

[Umm Ahmed]

Wa 'alaykumusalaam

Please read the rules and regulations especially number 5.

In regards to your comments , while I am sure that there might be some parents who want too much for their daughter in way of wordly things.
I am sure not all of them are like that .
Make Du'aa in the last hours of the night and especially throughout this month and InshaAllaah you will find a good sister.

[siratal mustaqeem]

Barakallahu feekum

My sincere apologies for the post!

Seems as if though this is the only place where we have brothers and sisters w/ the right Islamic outlook...unfortunately. So much Jahiliya among the Muslims its heart bleeding.


I will refrain from visiting the aforementioned topic.
Please make dua for all the Muslims and humanity.

Allaah (swt) guides whom HE (swt) wills

[JayshAllah]

Assalaamu Alaikum,

Does Islamic Awakening have a matrimonial section?

...maybe for those in US also...

I hate to say this but for those brothers that are living in US, its probably better to marry a revert/convert sister then one from the same ethnic background or from a Muslim background for that matter. I mean good luck marrying a desi or arab sister whose family requires u to be an engineer or doctor and God forbid for u to live in an apartment!

Subhanallah, American reverts families are less of an issue when it comes to such superficialities.

Can we initiate some kind of halal matrimonials?

I hate it when people make such childish and exceedingly immature generalizations. No, convert girls are not "better" than desi or Arab sisters. What a load of crap. I guess you are mentioning their families, but please, let's be serious now: I've seen converts whose families HATE the fact that the girl converted to Islam, and then seek to subterfuge the marriage in any way they can.

While we are making generalizations, then let it be known that desis have a stronger family structure/unit...in the West it is very common for a man and woman to let their parents rot in nursing homes.

And of course that in itself is a generalization. My point is that I am sick of self-hating desis (are you one?)...If you are not a doctor or engineer, then what are you? By the way, we are not living in the time of the Prophet [s] in which poor people remained poor and rich remained rich...this is a time now in which you can study, work hard, and climb the ladder...so a lot of times I see whiny faced youths claiming that parents are being superficial when they judge them for them not excelling in studies/career...is it that they are being judgmental or is it that you were too lazy to study hard and excel in life?

Sorry for going off on you, but it really irks me when people insinuate that 'converts' are better than 'born Muslims.' I've heard this way too much and it's WAY off the mark.

You say 'good luck' marrying a desi Muslim...I say 'good luck' marrying a white convert girl who would laugh at you when you ask her for dinner...

[Umm Ahmed]

I say 'good luck' marrying a white convert girl who would laugh at you when you ask her for dinner...

Lots of sisters nowadays say that to their husbands due to the femminist movement, and career driven muslimahs Thats why you should always marry a sister for her religion then she wont laugh at anything you ask her to do InshaAllaah.

[Skillganon]

Well said sis Umm Ahmad.

[Um Abdullah M.]

there are good and bad girls in every nationality and race

so lets not attack any group, race or nationality.

just search for a good girl whose family is not too strict in worldly matters.

alhamdulillah my family didn't care much about that stuff most important thing is deen and my father is an arab and mother a convert, so I have from both, and alhamdulillah I am blessed with a good husband.

like sister Um Ahmad said, stay up at night praying and making duaa to Allah.

[Um Abdullah M.]

Lots of sisters nowadays say that to their husbands due to the femminist movement, and career driven muslimahs Thats why you should always marry a sister for her religion then she wont laugh at anything you ask her to do InshaAllaah.

sister just wanted to tell you I love you for sake of Allah : )

p.s. has nothing to do with this topic

[siratal mustaqeem]

Assalaamu Alaikum Br. J,

Barakallahu feekum for your input. I think you misunderstood my points which was my fault because I didn't elaborate on 'em.

I did not intend to say desi sisters are better then arab sisters or convert sisters are better then sisters from abroad. I love our sisters in Islam whereever they maybe from. Race has NEVER been a factor for me in choosing my mate. If it was up to me, I'd have 4 wives all from different ethnicities!

My issue was with the way the family structure or rather, the way the culture is set up when it comes to marriage - or to be more specific, I was referring to the hardles that families put up. Definitely, it is something that we Muslims from abroad can learn from the kafirs. You have your preference and I have mines and you might be speaking from your experience as I am speaking from what I have seen.

I understand all of your points and they hold great merit. But me personally, (and yes I am in college and work and support myself...not the case for my 99% of desi or arab friends) I have always worked since my high school days and can easily maintain my own apartment as I have done through out college. And with the Will of Allaah, upon graduation I will have no problem landing a good job.
However, I have also seen many good hearted and hard working brothers from our background who have meager means but urgently want to save their deen and want and need that companionship but unfortunately, their cries are often not heard and ignored. It is a prime example of when the halal becomes so much difficult and the haram is bashing its tail around every corner.

In my opinion, it is a serious epidemic that parents are not only oblivious to but can be guilty of being insensitive and down right cruel! May Allaah forgive them!

Again, in my example I was referring to how easy it is for people born of American culture or even perhaps the British culture, and how easily they are able to date even as early as during the primary schooling..with many times the support and blessings of their parents!

Good luck again telling your parents that you want to get married in college and go to school at the same time with your mate. I don't see anything more blissful then going to college with ones wife or husband - it should be an additional incentive to work harder....perhaps one of the many wisdoms by our beloved Messenger of Allaah who called for early marriages!

And I am sure I can expand on these points abit more, but I have some school work to do now :)

ps. im not "self hating" desi for i have never really thought about myself as desi...what ever desi means...i grew up and was raised in states and i think of myself as more american then any other culture....but i hate jahiliya w/ passion whereever it might take root...and if it is in the desi culture, i make sure to expose it and bash it at will and where there is something good about the desi culture (which there is) i hold on to it firmly and advocate it...

pps. i suspect your really hungry today lol

[Umm Ahmed]

sister just wanted to tell you I love you for sake of Allah : )

p.s. has nothing to do with this topic

May Allaah love the one who loves me for his sake ameen : )

[JayshAllah]

Assalaamu Alaikum Br. J,

Wa alaykum as-Salam Brother.



Barakallahu feekum for your input.



Why you making me feel bad by being all nice. :cry:

Alright, I apologize...I went off on a rant. Sorry about that brother! Your good akhlaq reminded me of my bad akhlaq.

ps. im not "self hating" desi for i have never really thought about myself as desi...what ever desi means...

It's just I hate this wave of "self-hate" that has hit the diaspora desis especially in UK and America. I always hear about how desi Muslims are "hypocritical" and "two-faced" and how "converts are better." No, converts are not better. Not at all. I have met SO many converts who apostatize after a couple years of passion, SO many converts who become liberal Sufis, SO many converts who become blatant deviants trying to "revolutionize" Islam, SO many converts who convert only to get married, SO many converts who convert only because they think Islam is exotic, etc.

Yes, there is a solid percentage of converts who are highly religious, but you will find a similar percentage amongst Pakistanis.

Honestly, I think that the Pakistanis in the Muslim community are having the same problem that whites have in the West. How many whites have I met who always say that whites are racist, when in fact, whites are probably the least racist now. I've met way more racist blacks than whites...way more racist desis than whites, way more racist Asians than whites, etc. But due to the fact that whites are predominant, they feel the need to "bring themselves down" to the level of everyone else, and they do this by self-degrading themselves.

Likewise, I think that Pakistanis have become so utterly dominant in the Muslim community that they felt the need to self-degrade themselves to bring themselves down to the rest of the community. Almost every single mosque I've ever visited in America is run by Pakistanis. All of ISNA/ICNA is run by *gasp* Pakistanis. Same with the mosques and Islamic organizations in UK. All Pakistanis. I've also read a book written by a Mujahid who said that almost on all battlefronts, you will find Pakistanis. So why is it that when the Pakistanis contribute so much to the Islamic cause, we still hear how "un-religious" the Pakistanis are and how "two faced" and "hypocritical" they are?

Don't get me wrong: I am not saying that Pakistanis are the supreme race or anything of the sort. I don't support Jahiliyyah. What I am saying is that we shouldn't self-degrade our own race, as has become en vogue amongst the diaspora desis living in the West (i.e. the children of the immigrant generation in the West). We do that and a lot of Arabs love it...it is well-known that Arabs and Pakistanis don't get along so well. It angers me like anything when I meet Arabs who think they are superior just because they are Arab, and who look down on us just because we are mostly the working class in their countries. Heck, the laws in those Arab countries are super discriminatory to us Pakistanis. It's pathetic and angers me like anything.

No need to wave Pakistani flags, but no reason to degrade yourself. That's all I am saying. Everywhere I see guys saying how they wish to marry non-desi girls...they want to marry converts....why? What's wrong with desi girls!? And I hear desi girls themselves degrading themselves by saying that they are part Persian, Afghani, etc. Why do they find the need to say these things other than the fact that they wish to be anything other than desi? I find it highly offensive and inaccurate to say that Persian and Afghan girls, etc, are better looking than desi girls...it's just not true. It's just desi inferiority complex coming to the fore. While we hate our own skin colors, is it any wonder that the Kufaar nominate desis as Miss World and Miss Universe or whatever?

Enough with the inferiority complex....I hate it. It's so spread amongst our youth that I don't think a lot of people notice it.

Anyways, my post is not directed at you, brother Siratul Mustaqeem. Just my random diatribe. And yes, I am hungry.

Fi Aman Allah.

[Um Abdullah M.]

No need to wave Pakistani flags, but no reason to degrade yourself. That's all I am saying. Everywhere I see guys saying how they wish to marry non-desi girls...they want to marry converts....why? What's wrong with desi girls!? And I hear desi girls themselves degrading themselves by saying that they are part Persian, Afghani, etc. Why do they find the need to say these things other than the fact that they wish to be anything other than desi? I find it highly offensive and inaccurate to say that Persian and Afghan girls, etc, are better looking than desi girls...it's just not true. It's just desi inferiority complex coming to the fore. While we hate our own skin colors, is it any wonder that the Kufaar nominate desis as Miss World and Miss Universe or whatever?


actually I have seen the opposite in another forum, some converst complaining that pakistani men only want to marry a pakistani sister, they don't want converts.

so it goes both ways.

So let everyone marry whomever they want, and let them know that you will find good and bad in every race and nationality.

so not attacking any specific group of people, just look for a sister who is practicing and has good akhlaq.

[Abu Malik al-Maliki]

just look for a sister who is practicing and has good akhlaq.

My criterions in a wife:

Beauty 93%
Practising 4%
Akhlaq 3%

Akhlaq and Piety can be acquired and taught - beauty can't

[Stuck in Prison]

Only Allaah is the opener of hearts. If somene doesnt want to become more prcactisign you can't make them. Beauty whithers away. If someone isnt deeny from the beginning you cant guarantee theyll be after marriage.

This is the only forum in which I see people saying the most ridiculous things. Why is that? Well ajeeb.

[siratal mustaqeem]

This is the only forum in which I see people saying the most ridiculous things. Why is that? Well ajeeb.

lol well for one it is ramadan...as if that makes a difference...

i think of us as a dysfunctional family here at islamic awakening...we cant function with out each other and cant function with each other...hmm...kind of like our ummah...its very ajeeb...

[B. Rashaad]

My criterions in a wife:

Beauty 93%
Practising 4%
Akhlaq 3%

Akhlaq and Piety can be acquired and taught - beauty can't


Hmm... I wonder if you're 93% beauty yourself (and no I don't want you to answer that, just a rhetorical remark).

May Allaah give you according to your intentions (take that du'aa as you want).

[JayshAllah]

My criterions in a wife:

Beauty 93%
Practising 4%
Akhlaq 3%

Akhlaq and Piety can be acquired and taught - beauty can't

Why not

Beauty 100%
Practicing 100%
Akhlaq 100%

[B. Rashaad]

All I can say is- expect to recieve what you are yourself. If you're 20% practising, 7 % handsome and have 0,3 % akhlaaq, you should expect half of what you are/have and hope for more than that. Really cures the delusion brothers/sisters suffer from when it comes to finding the prospective spouse :-)

Btw this is not aimed at anyone specific, just a call for a reality check ;-) It would kinda be the same as a sister who went for a brother that was:

100% beauty
100% rich
100% practising
100% shaykh
100% affectionate and caring
100% Sahabi (like)
100% mujaahid

Notice the order I placed them in- first dunya THEN deen. Just like you brothers have done. Now wouldn't a sister be incredibly naive (if not stupid) to expect ALL THAT, when she knows which era she's living in? Heck she might not even be all that herself.

Same goes to you brothers. Check yourselves first and then check if your shuroot are feasible ;-)

[siratal mustaqeem]

well...definitely most of those are relative and subjective criteria (i.e. beauty, practicing, rich etc).....

definitely, that hollywood/bollywood romaticism waggin its tail here too...hence we must complicate something so rewarding, blissful and simple..i.e. marriage..

to the bros..especially....my only advice (if it has any value..which i doubt),stay away from those career driven/feminist girls...pursuing phDs and masters over household duties...big no no...not a bigger turn off then a girl being used as a tool in the corporate world (unless her conditions are extreme)....other wise, bros and siss need to come back to dunya... sisters aexpecting nabis coming down soon and bros droolin over a muslim ashawari rai..or how ever u spell her wretched name...

part of me also sometimes think that islamic history is so romanticised that we fail to realize that our roles models i.e. umar, abu bakr ra , ayesha raa are pften portrayed as some mythical beings...they were exceptional human beings no question but they also had their own short comings...in their own way...Allah knows best..someone correct me if im spewing non sense...

...its sad...then again, we all deserve what we get...no soul is done injustice to

[Magoo]

piety, beauty, wealth and lineage, isnt that the criterion??

[siratal mustaqeem]

piety, beauty, wealth and lineage, isnt that the criterion??

true...but where do u draw the line...

i ve heard sisters requirement for the bro to be a hafidh...some even obessessed with the length of a beard...others dreamin of a 6 foot + fella...

and guys can be more picky...as if they are nabis themselves...astafirullah
she has to cook and clean and manufacture babies...

[B. Rashaad]

true...but where do u draw the line...

i ve heard sisters requirement for the bro to be a hafidh...some even obessessed with the length of a beard...others dreamin of a 6 foot + fella...

At this point in time, I think the beard has lost it's deeni value and become a symbol for nifaaq and grotesquerie. I'll admit though, there are some exceptions. I know sisters that would compromise on the beard in return for deen, akhlaaq and generousity.

and guys can be more picky...as if they are nabis themselves...astafirullah
she has to cook and clean and manufacture babies...

You forgot:

Looking like faked up Beyonces while giving birth and changing dirty dipers.


But yah really it's just about accepting reality. So much easier once you have.