Results 1 to 5 of 5
Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By umm hafsa

Obsessive love

This is a discussion on Obsessive love within the Family Life forums, part of the Main Topics category; Umar ibn al-Khattab ( ) said: "Do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let ...

  1. #1
    Senior Member ayub57's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    2,096

    Default Obsessive love

    Umar ibn al-Khattab ( ) said: "Do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive." (Musannaf 'Abd ar-Razzaaq)

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ayub57 For This Useful Post:
    Abu Najaax (20th March 2012), leo (21st March 2012), Nusaybah (20th March 2012), Striving4Sunnah (20th March 2012), Umm DJ-N (20th March 2012)

  3. #2
    Patience Umm DJ-N's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    3,047

    Default

    Sound advice.

    JazakAllah Khair for that
    Al-Fudayl Ibn `Iyaad said: "Whoever finds discomfort in loneliness and comfort in people's company, his heart is not safe from Riyaa (insincerity)"

  4. #3

    ahmad10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Posts
    3,082
    Follow ahmad10 On Twitter

    Default Re: Obsessive love


    As-Salāmu Alaykum,

    Bismillāh:

    On the authority of Abū Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him:

    The Messenger of Allāh, prayers and peace upon him, said: Love your beloved moderately, perhaps one day you will dislike him. [Similarly], dislike whom you detest moderately, perhaps one day he will be your beloved. (1)

    Al-Munāwī [d.1029 AH], may Allāh have mercy on him, commented on this Prophetic saying by writing:

    There may come a point in time when time and circumstances cause a change in your feelings [about someone]. So, if you loved that person too much, you will be saddened by your change of feelings towards him/[her]. [Likewise], if you disliked him/[her] too much, you may be shy and [hesitant to reconcile] with him/[her](2)

    Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣarī [d. 110 AH] , may Allāh have mercy on him, said:

    Love and dislike moderately. People went to extremes in love, thus being destroyed; just as people went to extremes in dislike, and they were destroyed [also]. (3)

    I ask Allāh, The Most High, to make us from those who are able to be moderate in their affairs; just as I ask Him, The Most High, to make us from those whom are treated moderately by others.
    Translated by:

    Jamīl Finch
    Umm al-Qurā University
    Makkah, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
    Thūl-Ḥijjah 10, 1431 / November 16, 2010
    __________

    (1) Authentic: Muḥammad Nāṣir ad-Dīn al-Albānī, Sunan at-Tirmithī (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia: Dār al-Mārif, First Print), 453/#1997

    (2) Abdur-Raūf al-Munāwī, Fayḍ al-Qadīr (Dār al-Fikr), 1/176

    (3) Ibid

    ٰ ۚ ۖ ۚ
    ٰ ۚ ۚ ٰ

    Indeed, Allah has purchased from the believers their lives and their properties [in exchange] for that they will have Paradise. They fight in the cause of Allah , so they kill and are killed. [It is] a true promise [binding] upon Him in the Torah and the Gospel and the Qur'an. And who is truer to his covenant than Allah ? So rejoice in your transaction which you have contracted. And it is that which is the great attainment.

    (Surah at-Tawbah 111 - 111 )
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Si vis pacem, para bellum

  5. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ahmad10 For This Useful Post:
    Abul Qa'qa (20th March 2012), leo (21st March 2012), Nusaybah (20th March 2012), Striving4Sunnah (20th March 2012), Umm DJ-N (20th March 2012)

  6. #4
    Anti-Free mixing umm hafsa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IA forums, my profile page
    Posts
    762

    Default Re: Obsessive love

    She loves her husband madly and is looking for a solution
    I love my husband madly and he is perfectly happy with me. When he went away for work and I was waiting to join him, I began to miss him and could not rest until he spoke to me. Although I do my religious duties, I feel something lacking when he is not here. What do you advise me to do so that I can be patient until I see him?
    Praise be to Allaah.
    It is wonderful to see Muslim homes that are filled with love and compassion. When we see that love and compassion between the spouses in particular, we are very happy about it, because that love and compassion will have a good effect on the family members. One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created woman from man and it is a sign of His wisdom that He created woman to be a course of comfort and tranquillity for the man. Allah, may He be exalted, mentioned that with regard to Adam and Hawwa, and all people in general, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
    It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her
    [al-Araaf 7:189].
    This has to do with Adam and Eve. With regard to humanity in general, Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them
    [ar-Room 30:21].
    And Allah, may He be exalted, created love and compassion between the spouses, as He says at the end of the verse from Soorat ar-Room quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):
    and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect
    [ar-Room 30:21].
    Ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
    Allah, may He be exalted, says: and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her
    [al-Araaf 7:189].
    In this verse we see that Allah created Hawwa from Adam so that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her, i.e., find comfort in her. Elsewhere Allah said that He created the spouses of Adams offspring likewise. That is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.
    [ar-Room 30:21].
    Adwa al-Bayaan, 2/304, 305
    Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
    There is no love between any two souls greater than that that exists between the spouses.
    Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/525
    But we do not mean that the love should be mad or crazy as people say. Rather it should be moderate and appropriate. Zayd ibn Aslam narrated that his father said: Umar ibn al-Khattab said to me: O Aslam, do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive.
    I said: How is that?
    He said: When you love, do not go to a level of obsession as a child does with the thing he loves, and when you hate, do not hate in such a way that you want your opponent to be destroyed and doomed.
    Narrated by Abd ar-Razzaaq in al-Musannaf, 20269; its isnaad is saheeh.
    The Rightly-Guided Caliph (Umar ibn al-Khattaab) gave this advice because obsessiveness in love (loving madly) has negative effects on the one who loves and the one who is loved. Its effects on the one who loves are:
    (a) His thoughts are focused on his beloved, which causes him anxiety and tension, and this distraction causes him to waste time and leads to mental and physical illness
    (b) Another of the effects of loving madly is that it makes the one who loves turn a blind eye to any shortcomings in his beloveds performance of duties and to his committing any haraam actions. And if his beloved asks him to join him in his actions, then his insane love will lead him to do so.
    (c) Another of the negative effects of this love is that it dominates his heart in such a way that there is no room for love of Allah and His Messenger, which is the means of his salvation, let alone love for anyone else such as family and children
    (d) Another of the negative effects is that the one who is madly in love cannot cope with the absence or illness of his beloved, let alone his death!
    The negative effects of insane love on the one who is loved include the following:
    (a) He may suffer tension because of the lovers insistence on seeing him and sitting with him, which may lead to his neglecting his work or falling short in tasks on which he should focus his mind and heart, such as seeking beneficial knowledge and doing righteous deeds.
    (b) Another of the negative effects it may have on him is that he will never find this lover offering him sincere advice; rather he will turn a blind eye to his mistakes and shortcomings. As it is said, your love of a thing makes you blind and deaf!
    (c) Another of its negative effects is that if he responds to the one who loves him, he will waste his time with him, and if he does not, he will cause him anxiety, which may lead him to hate him in the end.
    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
    If a mans heart is attached to a woman, even if she is permissible for him, he will remain captive to her and she will be able to control him as she wishes. Outwardly he will appear to be her master because he is her husband, but in reality he is her captive and slave, especially if she realises his need for her and his love for her, and that he cannot find any alternative to her. In that case she will have control over him like an unjust, domineering master over his weak slave who cannot free himself from him, or even worse! Because captivity of the heart is worse than physical captivity and enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. The one whose body is enslaved will not care if his heart is free and at peace; rather he may be able to find away to freedom. But if the heart that is in control of the body is that is enslaved and infatuated with something other than Allah, then this is true humiliation, the worst kind of captivity and enslavement to that which enslaved the heart. True freedom is freedom of the heart and true enslavement is enslavement of the heart, just as true richness is richness of the soul. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: Richness is not having a great deal of accumulated wealth; rather richness is richness of the soul. This applies if what has captured his heart is something permissible; as for the one whose heart is enslaved by something haraam, such as a woman or boy, this is pain and suffering from which there is no way out, and these are the people whose suffering will be the worst and their reward will be the least, for if a persons heart is devoted to something and remains attached and enslaved to it, then this will cause him all kinds of evil and corruption that cannot be enumerated except by the Lord of mankind, even if he manages to avoid committing the greater act of immorality.
    End quote from Majmoo al-Fataawa, 10/185-186
    We are very happy to hear of your honouring your husband and of your love for him, but we would be even happier if you made your love for him reasonable. You should understand that bothering your husband, always calling him, or insisting that he stay at home or not undertake a particular trip will all cause him stress and make it difficult for him to get on with different tasks in life. We want there to be in your house a healthy atmosphere of love that could help the family and future children, in sha Allah, to achieve high goals and to strive to support His religion and be a help to His righteous slaves.
    What we also advise you to do is:
    (a) Fulfil the religious duties that are required of you and do naafil acts of worship too.
    (b) Regularly recite the adhkaar of the morning and the evening
    (c) Seek knowledge by reading or listening
    (d) Call women among your neighbours and relatives to Allah
    (e) Try to have shari love in your heart towards Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by following the commands, heeding the prohibitions, loving the religion of Allah, defending it and spreading it among people, and having natural love towards your parents and children.
    All of that will give a meaning to your life that is more sublime than devoting your life only to your husband and loving him only.
    We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make the love and compassion between you lasting and to bless you with righteous offspring,

    And Allah is the source of strength.



    No signature to be found.

  7. #5
    [x] murdiyyah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3,137

    Default Re: Obsessive love

    Quote Originally Posted by ahmad10 View Post
    The Messenger of Allāh, prayers and peace upon him, said: Love your beloved moderately, perhaps one day you will dislike him...'
    Thoughts like this are too scary; they make me want to intensify my duas for loved ones.

Similar Threads

  1. They Love Death as We Love Life!
    By IbnMohammed in forum Global Affairs
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 2nd June 2012, 09:40 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12th November 2009, 05:51 PM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10th October 2009, 02:10 PM
  4. 'They Love Death as We Love Life!'
    By Abdullah11 in forum Ethics and Spirituality
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 20th July 2009, 11:41 PM
  5. Replies: 22
    Last Post: 11th May 2008, 03:11 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261