Important Distress and trials

Discussion in 'Family Life' started by leyla83, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. leyla83

    leyla83 New Member

    As-Salam Aleykum,
    Dear brothers and sisters, I need duas and encouragement.
    I am a 28-year old female. I came to the US to study few years ago, my parents sacrificed their savings to send me here. My dream has always been to be successful and help my family. I had a hard time in the US as money was so scarce, I used to travel three hours by bus to get to school. I would go to school, get some break to work and make money, and go back to school. It took me about 6 years to graduate. All along, I knew this brother who was very religious and who lived in another state. We became friends, and he said he respected me so much for my sacrifices. He is an American citizen, and promised to file for my green card. We got married, and I was so happy, in love, taking care of him, and all.
    I married as a virgin, but was unable to have sexual intercourse with him, as my muscles would tighten because of fear, no matter how hard I tried. This got him frustrated, and he started saying I had an evil spirit that destroyed the marriage. I asked him to file for my green card, he refused and we had numerous fights because of this. He has been having health issues, way before we got married. Well, he started saying my bad spirit was the cause of all.
    I finally got pregnant, but my husband didn't behave nicely or showed love the whole time. I was going to hospitals by myself, and suffered a lot from his withdrawal. We divorced once during the pregnancy, but it was revocable and we went back together. 3 months after my son was born, he started with accusations, being mean, and withdrawn; out of desperation, I asked for divorce a second time, and he gave it to me.
    I left his house with my son, staying over at a friend's house. I have been looking for a job for about 3 months, without success. I dont have papers, I am now illegal. i am heartbroken, the marriage that I looked forward and where I did my best broke like this. I have always been praying ALLAH, and my life goes to difficulty after difficulty since I was a student to now a single mom, jobless, paperless, with tons of student debt. I don't even have money to file for bankruptcy.
    I can't return to my home country as my parents and family have so much hope in me. They sacrificed all for me. I am stuck here with my 7 month baby, depending on friend's help. My diploma is here, but I don't have job experience in this difficult US market. The friend who lent me his apartment will be back soon, and I have to leave then. I wake up at nights for prayers, I pray a lot but I am depressed and suicidal.
    I got the number of this person online who told me black magic was done to destroy me. I sent him some money for prayers, but can't even reach him now. My life is a total disaster. I have been praying ALLAH for a reconciliation with my ex-husband because I still love him, without success. I am so tired of all these difficulties after all my trials and hardwork.
    Please advise me and make duas for me.
  2. Umm Sayyid Qutb

    Umm Sayyid Qutb تعس عبد الدينار

    Wa alaykumu salam warahmatullah.

    Sister,I might not be the best person to advice you, but i could not read
    your post and just move on. It must be so hard to go through all that,but remember what
    your Creator has said:
    "...Bear with patience whatever befalls you" (Qur'an 31:17) and "Be not sad, surely Allah is with us." (Qur'an 9:40)

    and also remember what the prophet saw has said:
    "Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." [Tirmidhi]

    How many times have we been through hardships,and then looked back when Allah eased our affairs, thinking we could have been more patient than we were. When adviced to have patience, id reply "easy for you to say" but that really is the only solution and the best, and ofcourse alot of dua.

    How did he know its black magic? and why would you send him money for dua? a dua should not cost anything!

    May Allah give you someone who is much better than him, and is worthy of your love. Ameen!

    I will be keeping you in my duas inshaAllah.
  3. IbnMuhammed

    IbnMuhammed Human

    Wa'laykum sallam
    I cant add much but I'll add:
    Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. "Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us (Jews and Christians); our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maula (Patron, Suppor-ter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people. (Al Baqarah)
  4. mahmud87

    mahmud87 New Member

    Shouldn't this be moved to the Sisters' Section? It seems a little too personal and detailed....
    Umm Sayyid Qutb likes this.
  5. Umm DJ-N

    Umm DJ-N Patience

    Sister I am so sorry to hear this, may Allah SWT help you to overcome this trial so that you may be a good mother to your child.

    Firstly let me start by saying that your intentions seem noble, nobody wants to disappoint their parents, esp after the many sacrifices they have made for us. HOWEVER I am sure that your parents would rather you come to them for help and assistance in times of difficulty, than suffer by yourself. Out of everyone in the world, the love of your parents means they will be the ones who will support you with no conditions. Sure, there may be a level of disappointment, this is only natural, but they care about you, and they care about your child. Ask them for help, because one thing that is hard to find is friends who put no conditions on the friendship, it is a tough time and sometimes we cannot even rely on friends. But through Allah's infinite mercy, He Azza Wajjal has put in the hearts of parents, (esp your mum) a love unparalleled in this world. Be grateful that you have a family, that your parents are alive and that they have supported you. There are many people in this world who do not have this basic foundation of a good family, think of the orphans of the world who would do anything to have their parents back. You are 28 but you are still your parents daughter, that will never change.

    I don't know where your country of origin is, but if you are struggling as much as that post states (if I have understood it) my advice would be that go back to your country. inshAllah your son will have a good upbringing, surrounded by your family and you too can have a strong support network to help you. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world, you don't have to do it alone. I understand that you may have reservations about returning, but you need to ask yourself, are these based on your desires? The love of this world? You have to put your child first, and as the saying goes, "a child is brought up by a community" what is best for your child? You have to put his interests first, and I pray to Allah that He makes your son a stalwart of this Deen.

    In regards to your husband, well I can not blame him completely, nor can I blame you for the state of your marriage. It seems that responsibility must be shared between the two of you, and you both must realise divorce is only the last option. Society has created an illusion that divorce is easy, simple, the best route etc when we as muslims know reconciliation is much better. I do not know where you live, but ask respectable local elders/people of knowledge to speak with both of you and get to the bottom of the problem. There are people in the community who have recognised what a big problem divorce is, and may Allah reward them for these people are actively making an effort to help couple who have maritial issues.

    As the sister above mentioned, there is no need to pay money to anyone to "cure" you of the evil eye etc I'll let someone else speak on that topic as I do not have enough knowledge. Finally, your success is not tied down to material wealth, or a "green passport". You have your qualifications, and these too can be used in your own country back home, with the added support of your family. I ask you to remain patient in the face of this adversity, thank Allah for everything you have. You are a mother, and how many women are there who are not able to have children? You are a daughter, and how many children do not have parents? You have your qualifications, and how many people are there who cannot read or write? You have health and how many people are there in hospitals just at this moment?

    Thank Allah for all that you have.

    Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah PBUH said, “Look to those with a lesser status than you and do not look to those with a higher status, lest the favors of Allah seem insignificant to you.

    Sahih Muslim

  6. Striving4Sunnah

    Striving4Sunnah Musrayaaa

    My dear dear deaar sister in Islam, wallahi I wish there was some way I could physically take care of you and your son.. I cant, but Allah can. Remember something sis, Allah tests who he loves the most, after hardship comes ease, not just one ease but two eases! Never despair in the mercy of Allah sister please.. He is so merciful that he even gives to the kuffar, he gives them health, money children etc.. now imagine what he has in store for his believers! Allahuakbar

    Sometimes life is hard, sometimes it can even become unbearable but sister remember that this is just a bus stop that we are waiting at, this duniya is as though we are sitting and waiting for our bus.. We are here only a short time, and then gone.. We are here to collect as many good deeds from the duniya as possible before escaping to our ahkira in Jannah inshaAllah..

    Please dont ever ever even think about suicide sis! You have a beautiful little baby that needs you! That baby is your everything and will keep you strong, rely on Allah sis He will NEVER let you down.. Throw yourself at Allah, ask him to help you, put your reliance in Him and He will not let you down sister I know this 100%

    If we never had hard times, we wouldnt know the good times.. If we didnt have downs how would we know the ups? You are strong sis, you will get through this just like you've gotten through everything else.. Some people are just born soldiers, they spend they're lives fighting and battling.. they go through hardship upon hardship.. and subhanAllah they die and wake up to eternal bliss..
    Wouldnt you rather suffer here and live in bliss there? Or would u rather live in bliss here and suffer there?

    You are a beautiful slave of Allah, the fact that Allah allows you to pray to him is in itself an immense blessing sis. please do not despair in Allahs mercy and power.. Look around you habibti everything you see is created by him our beautiful lord Allah, there is nothing on this Earth or even in this Universe that is not Allahs creation, do you not think he can ease your situation if He wills? Of course he can! And he will sis. Just be patient, think of all those deeds you are racking up..

    I promise you, you are going to be fine.. Rely on our Lord Ar Razzaq, Al Mujeeb.

    Please PM me sis, if you would like to talk further, and please Do not despair in the Mercy of Allah
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2012
    Umm DJ-N likes this.
  7. leyla83

    leyla83 New Member

    Thank you so much dear Umm Sayyid Qutb . Thank you for your kind words, dear sister. I read your post with my heart, may ALLAH reward you. InchALLAH, I will do my best to increase my patience and duas. Your post was a great reminder. May ALLAh bless you and thank you for the prayers.
  8. leyla83

    leyla83 New Member

    Thank you brother for the great reminder of a beloved verse I often think about. InchALLAH, I will do my best to increase in Sabr.
    May ALLAH bless you, Please keep me in your prayers.
  9. leyla83

    leyla83 New Member

    Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply, dear sister64.
    May ALLAH bless you for reminding me to be grateful, because my life is full of blessings in the midst of the trials as I tend to forget. As far as my issues with going back to my home country, jobs are so hard to find. I have had friends who went to study overseas who went back and still haven't found anything. Jobs are so tough to get, and my father from what I think won't forgive me for coming back as a "failure" back home. He already used words similar to this, and I want to explore my opportunities here before declaring it quit. May ALLAH guide on what is best.
    Please keep me in your prayers, dear sister.
  10. leyla83

    leyla83 New Member

    Thank you for your kind words, dear sister. I read your post with my heart, may ALLAH reward you. I got so weak yesterday, but I will keep on praying and repenting. Your words are true encouragement, and I will hold them dear and near. I will PM you inchALLAH.
    I felt your affection and concern, may ALLAH bless your beautiful soul.
    Striving4Sunnah likes this.

Share This Page