Ethnic Alternatives to Hit US/UK Entertainment

Discussion in 'Living Room' started by WM, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    [warning: dark sense of humour- may not be to your taste]

    Suggestion #234 (thanks to my brother for this one):
    [Iraqi] Police Academy: what little of a plot there is is constantly disrupted by the killing of the main characters in market bombs. That would explain all the sequels.


    Suggestion #235:
    Coach Kamran
    [instead of Carter]: 'inspirational' Pakistani who becomes a basketball coach in a run-down rural school. He's full of the usual cliched crap about 'change', hope, wanting to succeed, doing your best etc. Unfortunately for them he turns out to be a trickster and mis-appropriates school funds. The school is forced to close down and the student body is sold into slavery. This one is a real feel-good film.


    Suggestion #236:
    Like James Bond, but called, simply, Sir Edward. About a vertically-challenged, extremely unselfconscious Bangladeshi sellout who thinks he's all that but is actually a noxious turd. Follow him on his hilarious misadventures. Cuts to public services due to the recession mean that instead of wining and dining the chicks this secret agent is forced to spend nights in discount hotels, and his MI6 credit card has a £4.50 charge limit. Most of his time is spent following the vicissitudes of British politics, paying court to the members of whichever party happens to be in power. The moral of the story is that if you're really desperate to succeed and you're useless at everything, you'll probably be mediocre all your life and your best bet is to attach yourself to the powers that be- who will pet and feed you.
     
  2. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Suggestion #237:
    [Somali] Pirates of the Mediterranean:
    low-budget pirate flick. The focus is on dish-washer-turned-pirate, Abdi. I don't know what else to say really. There is a lot of qat use in this film, viewer discretion is advised.
     
  3. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Suggestion #238
    [title?] Taut thriller about an incorruptible Internal Affairs cop in Lebanon. The film is, ya'ni, ikteer libnani, in that the protagonist, seeing how hopeless the fight against corruption in his basketcase of a country is, hangs himself.
     
  4. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Suggestion #239:
    Dr Doolittle
    [may be some copyright issues here]: About a mild-mannered senior lecturer at the University of Middlesex whose name may or may not be Usama. He feels persecuted, feels that nobody understands him, that others are intolerant and unenlightened, before coming to the inevitable realisation of those in this condition- that he is gay. The film is about his coming out. Some talking porpoises have been thrown in for fun.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  5. justabro

    justabro Salafi (Retd.)

    lol... keep em coming
     
  6. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Suggestion #240:
    Beverly Hills Shaykh
    : About the litigious and somewhat flaky shaykh of a Naqshbandi sub-tariqa who 'lives it up' in Beverly Hills. He enjoys chillin' with his homies (yo dawg), most of whom are hawkish pro-war anti-healthcare reform neocons. He testifies before Congress now and then, enjoys long walks in the rain, sunsets and holding hands (for any of you sisters out there- he is currently looking for a 3rd wife). I'd like to say more, but don't want to spend the rest of my life paying damages to His Eminence.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  7. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Suggestion #241:
    Sooriyana
    : OK I'm running out of steam I admit. Anyway, this one is a shameless propaganda film about Bashar al-Asad and how amazing he is (!). There wasn't enough money in the state coffers to have George Clooney in the main role, so they hired some talentless schmuck from Libnaaan to play it (don't blame him, he has a wife and three OK?). So at birth he strangles two snakes sent by the Elders of Zion to kill him...does some other interesting stuff...and ends up on the throne, much loved by his people. Oh yes, and his moustache[s, technically] are the source of his power. And he travels backwards and forwards in time, something about a weirdo professor with crazy hair and a banged-up DeLorean.

    But I'll save that for another day ;)
     
  8. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    All I need is a few million dollars and a director. Any takers?
     
  9. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    Will accept rep in lieu of cash...;)
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  10. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    My next project would involve a series of biopics focussing on members of IA :D
     
  11. FlagBearer

    FlagBearer Allow the drama...

    Out of interest, where are the first 233?
     
  12. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    I made it up...sort of a joke. And when I came with up with new ideas after starting the thread I kept going, and the number thing stuck.
     
  13. justabro

    justabro Salafi (Retd.)

    true genius is never appreciated in its time ... maybe spielberg will produce them after your dead
     
  14. murdiyyah

    murdiyyah [x]

    That should be interesting. Maybe brother WM can replace Spielberg.
     
  15. Abu'l 'Eyse

    Abu'l 'Eyse Rep-manz

    Bro this is funny here are some alternatives you can work on:

    Terminator
    Batman
    X-Men
    How to lose friends and alienate people (Indian/Pak version: How to make friends then rip them off in business transactions)
    Leathal Weapon
    Turner and Hooch (a story about a guy who loves his dog and then reverts to al-Islaam, then after he decides to keep his dog is constantly having to make wudu due to the najis of his dogs saliva)
    Kickboxer (a guy who struggles to train for a tournament due to over indulgence in The "halal fast food" Market of biriyani, fast food chicken, burgers, pizza with plastic reprocessed meats, etc)
    K-9 (khute, kelb)
     
  16. Abu'l 'Eyse

    Abu'l 'Eyse Rep-manz

    Star Trek: the adventures of he Bedouin Arab who guides people around the desert using the stars as a guide
     
  17. Eoin

    Eoin Liberal Atheist

    Suggestion #242:
    Pashtu Dawn: An assortment of 5 tired graduates struggle against the clock to call in thousands of bombers to targets north, east, south and west of their position in central Afghanistan. Can their brave stand win hearts and minds and liberate the country from the forces of tyranny?
     
  18. Eoin

    Eoin Liberal Atheist

    Suggestion #243:
    The Japanese Patient: Historical drama starring Chuck Norris as an American fighter pilot mistaken for a Japanese Army Colonel after suffering severe burns in a plane crash. Taken into care by the Germans, can our protagonists general apathy to the world around him last for long enough to span a two hour feature film?
     
  19. Eoin

    Eoin Liberal Atheist

    Ack,

    Just realised neither of those could be described as ethnic alternatives...
     
  20. WM

    WM <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    That's OK. Anything involving Chuck Norris and severe physical pain is admissible.
     

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