Rate Your Khateeb

Discussion in 'Identity, Activism and Unity' started by artistic muslim, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. artistic muslim

    artistic muslim Musafir

    Rate the khutbahs you hear and your khateeb [anonymously if bad!]

    Let me start with a gem I heard at a khutbah in D.C a few weeks ago where the imam was encouraging everyone to aim high and then goes on to say, be like "Steve Jobs, may Allah have mercy on his soul"....

    I'm not kidding.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2011
  2. خالد

    خالد New Member

    The Imam probably thought Steve Jobs is a Muslim coze his biological daddy is an Arab. It happens.
  3. artistic muslim

    artistic muslim Musafir


    Someone who knows steve jobs geneaology would probably know that he had nothing to do with his father and as an apparent kafir, should be judged according as the same. He therefore did not deserve the laqab allah have mercy on him.

    Anyway what kind of khateeb encourages Muslims to be like steve jobs like he's some sort of example of what Muslims are missing in their lives?
  4. خالد

    خالد New Member

    A modernist Murji one who is desperate to label as many people Muslim as possible? Allahu'Alam.

    Insha'Allah check out Harun Yahya and Shaykh Nazim. These two will claim anyone is a Muslim. The latter said Clinton is one, and the former has a liking for celebrities.
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2011
  5. Ibn Jubayr

    Ibn Jubayr Active Member

    Is this Imam Johari?
  6. artistic muslim

    artistic muslim Musafir


    Although there is something about some north american imams.

    Allah knows best but a friend of mine told me of a mosque in canada where they got an mp to do a khutbah and the guy said something like your quran is just like our constitution.

    I'd like to rate that khateeb.
  7. akhan71193

    akhan71193 New Member

    The masjid I go to has 4 khateebs, 3 of them are good. The 4th one comes clean shaven 300-400 hundred dollar business suite and can hardly speak english. I remember when it was easter he told us to go congratulate the christians for their festivals lol...
  8. InshallahFirdaus2015

    InshallahFirdaus2015 <A HREF="showthread.php?t=70991"></A>

    LOL what a JOKE.......ive never witnesed an imam giving qutbah in a suite but witnesed one jumping back into his suite after the prayer
  9. petal

    petal iPetal

    Sounds suite.
  10. akhan71193

    akhan71193 New Member

    >.< I can't edit it fail lol. I meant suit
  11. Scented Blood

    Scented Blood Abu Peanut

    Jalal Ibn Sa'eed.

    At the 1eid jummah they were expecting thousands but around 50 of us turned up.

    His khutbah was one of the best ive ever heard and he delivered it as if the place was packed.
    Taught me a real lesson that day on sincerity..
  12. petal

    petal iPetal

    I heard a really good khutbah last week by Shaykh Mustafa, you heard it too SB.
  13. artistic muslim

    artistic muslim Musafir

    also in d.c [different imam this time] a guy was giving a khutbah and he didnt know what the arabic for wine was so he stops, asks the congregation, "how do you say alcohol in arabic?" and they start going back and forth like an arabic 101 class.
  14. artistic muslim

    artistic muslim Musafir

    I heard some good ones in London too. There was the one by Haytham during the last 10 days of Ramadhan where he talked about the adaab of eating dates and how Imam Ahmad would always rip the dates apart with his fingers and then eat the pieces and not put the whole thing in his mouth and then spit the seeds out as some do. Very practical and beneficial. ma sha Allah and totally refreshing change from what you usually hear in Ramadhan.

    Then there was Haytham's famous khutbah where he talked about the Daily Mail's surveys into the sexual preferences of the English :eek: [Anybody else remember that one?]

    By far one of the strangest ones I heard in England was at a University in London. The imam mentioned how he had been spotted emerging from the toilet with his water bottle by the cleaning lady who asked him if he used it to wash his behind. He informed us that his retort was to ask her "What? You mean you go around with faeces on your behind?" :confused:

    He assured us that his answer was inspired by Allah, so yes, this whole episode was presented as an epic battle of haqq and batil.

    If this is difficult to read, imagine what it was like having to sit through it!
  15. Abu Qudhama

    Abu Qudhama Active Member

    As salamualaikum, came across this article on a brothers blog:

    Politically Correct Khutbahs?

    Living in the West, barely a day passes without a negative mention of Islaam or Muslims in the Media. Many Muslims will argue that if only Muslims controlled the Media, Islaam would get a positive portrayal. Although there is some truth in this sentiment, it is a fatalistic mentality. We Muslims fail to utilise the one weekly media slot that we do have a monopoly over. This slot is available once a week for approximately one hour. It has a global audience of several million. I’m referring of course to the Friday Khutbah (sermon), delivered weekly in Masjids across the world.

    Unfortunately, where many Imams have failed to comprehend that the Khutbah is an effective means of media in influencing the Muslim mindset, the British government seems to have grasped that concept rather well. Government guidelines (and cash incentives) for Imams often results in khutbahs that I call SAS: “Safe Apolitical Sermons”. These are on monotonous topics that are virtually impossible to be arrested for under the Prevention of Terrorism Act. The favourite subject is wudu, the obligatory ablution made prior to performing salah (prayer). I have yet to hear an Imam deliver a riveting khutbah based on Wudu. Admittedly, it is not the most stimulating of topics. And let’s face it: if you’re attending Jumu’ah prayer, it’s not likely that you need to be taught how to make wudu.

    Many years ago Sheikh Anwar al-Awlaqi remarked that during the time of the Spanish inquisition, whilst the streets of Andalusia ran with Muslim blood, the Jumuah khutbahs would focus on wudu, dhikr and other such innocuous topics. The political situation was completely avoided by Imams in the weekly sermon – due to fear of arrest. Evidently many Imams today are following this same craven path.

    Imams, while we’re on the subject, fall into two prevalent groups, with very few exceptions. The first type is the Imam who behaves as if he is attending his citizenship ceremony rather than delivering a khutbah. A strong South Asian accent will emphatically proclaim “This country is very good. Very nice. Good for Muslims.” The obligatory side-to-side head waggling punctuates such patriotic pronouncements. The vast majority of his congregation have, unlike him, been born in the UK. The Khutbah fails to address, inspire or keep the attention of the congregation. Some will draw their shemaghs over their faces and discreetly doze off. The Friday Khutbah is attended as a routine habit.

    The second type of Imam is the British-born, educated modernist. He too will extol the virtues of living in Britain, but is a far more engaging and dangerous speaker than the former. Quite often, prophetic traditions are distorted in order to give the false impression that there is nothing in Islaam that is incompatible with British culture and values. The listener often leaves the Masjid more confused about Islaam than when he entered. I once attended a khutbah delivered by such an Imam. He delivered the message of forgiveness and turning the other cheek. He urged Muslims not to retaliate even when faced with aggression. He cited the example of a family in the US whose daughter had been killed in an islamaphobic attack, yet they urged the Muslim community to show restraint. He drew an analogy between this family and the Conquest of Makkah. He explained that the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), like this family, had forgiven the majority of his enemies, the very ones who had been killing the Muslims for a number of years.

    It disturbed me that the Imam (purposely) failed to mention that prior to the Conquest of Makkah, the Prophet (SAW) had fought numerous battles with this same enemy and slaughtered many of them. Only after having gained dominance over his enemies, did he (SAW) march into Makkah with ten thousand followers, to peacefully take over the city and forgive whilst being in a position of strength. This is far removed from the scenario of an understandably intimidated family begging the community not to exact revenge. I didn’t consider that mentioning the Conquest of Makkah in its true context would have had the Imam indefinitely locked up in HMP Belmarsh, but perhaps he differed with me on that estimation.

    Another time, I attended a masjid where the Imam was praising the British value of freedom of speech. He made the valid point that in the UK, one is free to stand at Speakers’ Corner and criticise the Government. He compared this to the oppressive regimes in Egypt, Saudi and Syria, where such proclamations would result in the disappearance of the one making them. Ironically, as the khutbah ended, a member of the congregation stood up and disputed with the Imam over a controversial point of fiqh. Instead of answering the young man’s questions, the committee panicked and immediately switched off the speakers. Needless to say, I was left with the cynical thought: what happened to freedom of speech?!

    Imams need to deliver khutbahs that are inspiring and relevant to their respective communities. It is imperative that they utilise the Friday Khutbah’s potential to counter the misinformation which media sources use against Muslims everywhere in the world. The agenda of our Imams should be to educate their congregation with the pure unadulterated form of Islaam, rather than introduce a politically correct or British variation. Our Imams must resist the temptation to prostitute our religious values for a few pieces of silver. Islaam entails submission to Allah. Whilst our religion has its roots in Makkah and Madinah, it is a universal message. You cannot re-label it to read “Made in England”.
  16. abul hafsa

    abul hafsa formerly 'dragon'

    Attended an excellent khutbah last Friday in Dubai, which was national day, being celebrated with a lot of exuberance in the UAE of course. The khateeb appears to be an Emirati, probably mid 30s and his khutbah was about Muslims being one ummah, the 'watan' of our parents Adam and Hawwa (alayhimus-salaam) being jannah, our flag being the flag of Islaam and how we are now divided into states and countries after the Prophet (sallaallahu alayhi wasalaam) united us on tawheed.

    Masha allaah I thought it was a brave khutbah, especially in this part of the world.

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